Why I’m Weird

by Mrs. Smith on June 10, 2020

subtitle: And why I think you should join me.

Alrighty. Hello there, blog, I’m back.

Did you miss me? Cuz I missed you. After a week of trying to keep my yap shut, I almost don’t know where to start. (Just one week? Really? Feels like at least one lifetime.) Also, I’ve learned so much, I kinda want to keep keeping my yap shut.
It’s a bit of a quandary.

But anyway, I’m “unmuting” myself for the moment, so here we go. I shall begin with the most recent epiphany.

Well, backstory first, of course, and then the epiphany.


I have discovered more about the mystical world of Instagram. Did you know you can “follow” different hashtags?! So then your newsfeed pops up with stuff from your friends and things you’re actually interested in, from random people everywhere/anywhere? Dude. That was news to me.

My goal in taking a break from the “book” is not to just trade it for the “gram,” but… well, I’m spending a lot of time there doing research.

So anyway…

In the Instagram hashtag #MeandWhiteSupremacy, I keep hearing that it’s hard, grueling work, dismantling the white privilege you grew up in. The author emphasizes the struggle pretty heavily, so you know what you’re getting into. She encourages her readers to have a commitment deep enough to get through those hard times. The times where you want to just throw the book at the wall and forget it. The times where you get all depressive and lonely and stuff like that.

Apparently, facing your own racism can be really ugly, difficult, nasty business.

She’s probably right. It’s not that I’m disagreeing. I’m new here. But the more I learn, the more I legit don’t care about the hard.
I don’t think hard is bad. I think it’s wonderful. MeAndWhiteSupremacy_MockUp-2.jpgI *love* (LOVE) people who open my eyes and help me see things previously invisible. This book is awesome that way.

So what if these previously-invisible things paint me in an unfavorable light? OH MY GOSH, am I supposed to be offended by that? If I’m appalled by something in me, am I really supposed to turn a blind eye to that instead of dig deeper and get rid of it? Am I supposed to get MAD at the author for helping me become a better person???
You must be kidding.

Because that’s not painful — it’s fantastic. Might not really be a joy ride, but it’s soul-cleansing, so yeah, of course it’s worth the discomfort.

If you want to make a really stupid (but thus less intimidating) comparison, it could be like having a friend willing to speak up when you’ve got something in your teeth. That’s love. It might be embarrassing to think about everyone who saw you walking around and didn’t say anything, but whew. Thanks.

This white privilege stuff is obviously there whether I’m aware of it or not. Thank you for helping me see it.

The analogy is so mild, it’s probably offensive. Sorry. We aren’t talking about alfalfa sprouts highlighting the way I didn’t brush my teeth after lunch. We’re talking about human lives that are badly hurt every day of their lives by you and me being too fragile to accept truth or too scared/shy to speak up.

We’re talking about racism, people, and it is a GOOD THING to root it out, but it’s going to take a lot more work than just brushing your teeth.

So let’s move on to the weeding analogy.

Don’t you just love it when a weed comes out with the roots in tact? That’s what this books helps you do. It’s not enough to just recognize that there is racism out there. You have to see these weeds in your own soul and recognize that, actually, these aren’t good plants. The fruit they bear might not taste bad to you, but it’s POISON. Its pollen in the air, following you everywhere you go, is killing your neighbors of color. It has turned you into a bit of a monster, and you might not even know it. Yikes.

So that’s why it’s a freaking party every single time I pick up that book. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, to just think about reading it. I love the author with a ferocious, deep admiration.

People of color can’t weed out my white supremacy for me.
That’s *my* job. That’s on me, not them.

My job is to thank them for pointing it out, and listen carefully to them to learn more about what it is and how it works and especially, how to help change it. I can’t teach you what I’m learning. Other white people can’t either. We need to own that we don’t get to be the experts on this; we get to be quiet.

Is doing your homework really all that miserable? Getting humble and teachable? Is it even all that hard? Really????

You know what’s unpleasant?
Being a jerk and not knowing it.

You know what would be even more unpleasant?
Living as a minority in a society where the majority is against you and won’t acknowledge your pain, change their behavior, or help you.


That would be difficult.

Makes me want to shake people out of their racist sleep. If you don’t see a problem, your eyes are closed. If you think there’s nothing for you to work on personally, then you’re missing out right now. White people (like me) really need to quit being babies about this and grow up. It’s past time.

My ah-ha moment this morning —

Why is this process so fun for me, when apparently it’s, um, not supposed to be?

I pondered it for a moment. I’m going to make another analogy here, and it might turn some of you off, but please, put your aversion to a beautiful, messy topic aside and hear me out. If you’re squeamish, hang in there. You can do it.

This is just like childbirth. I learned how to love that, and I’m applying the same strategy here without even knowing it.

Most women grow up with horror stories about giving birth and then wear their own horror stories with a badge of honor. (I’m no exception to that.) We teach people to fear it – it’s so painful, and wa wa wah. But what actually happens?

One set of muscles pulls another set of muscles out of the way, and the baby gets squeezed out. Ta-da! That’s it.

If you learn how to relax through it, the sensation of pain goes away. If you tense up, it’s excruciating.

Same process – two VERY different experiences.

I’m not a masochist. I didn’t birth 6 babies without any pain meds because I loved feeling like I’m getting ripped in half. I practiced and learned how to get into a deeply relaxed state, and then I put that practice to work for me. In my experience, contractions still involved something I might call “pain,” but it almost feels good. Almost. Until it doesn’t, but then you’re almost done anyway. Some women do manage to stay in a state of awareness that allows them to interpret the muscle contractions as intensity and not pain — it can be an almost orgasmic experience, actually, how’s that for a different spin on it?

So, back to Me and White Supremacy.

I am expecting that at some point, I too am going to want to throw this book at a wall. I am anticipating that I am also going to hate what this pulls up.


This is what is required from me
to birth a new society.

So I’m relaxing into it and sinking straight into the pain until it (almost) feels good. I’ve had to do this same thing with emotional trauma-stuff, too.

That’s why I’m weird…

and I invite you to consider the benefits of relaxing into transformation. It works.

If all white people would lean into this instead of ignoring or fighting against it, we could birth a new society with less chaos, with less contention, with less pain.

There are humans who are being repressed and hurt every day of their lives…
…BECAUSE OF PEOPLE WHO (like me, think they) ARE “NOT RACIST.”
That is not okay.

Let me say it again for the people in the back —

THAT IS NOT OKAY WITH ME, and I feel really sorry for the cold, closed-off souls who are fine with it.

[Sorry about the yelling. I know it turns some people off. That was brought to my attention on day 3 in this book, lol.]
(Yes, “some people” = a lot of white people. Expressions of anger tends to turn white people off. It’s called tone-policing. Instead of hearing the message, we get our panties in a wad about the way the message is being delivered. So “mature.” We do it to women and children, too.)

Can you imagine what kind of energy would be unleashed in this country and in the world if we actually abolished racial bias? If we successfully dismantled white supremacy?

Think of the passion, the wisdom, the resilience, the ingenuity, the bravery, the determination, the beauty, the creativity, the joy, the strength and the power of these people who’ve been overlooked, oppressed, and silenced for generations…

What if we listened? What if instead of looking down on them, we help them break free from these chains they’ve been bound by?

Wouldn’t that be amazing? What if instead of celebrating the greatness built upon their backs, we freaking got off their backs, finally?!

The world has never seen anything like what would happen if we did that.

The world needs it.

So… Tasks 5 seconds and buy this book. Read it for ten minutes every day and journal your heart into the questions she asks.

You’ve got nothing to lose but your racism.




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