Antiquated vs. Eternal

So after being pleasantly surprised by many of the profiles on the Ordain Women website, I went and read through their “FAQ” page.

That’s when I found myself a little more… mm… well, opinionated.

You don’t go around misquoting The Family: A Proclamation to the World.

And you certainly don’t go mixing it up with the doctrines of the world.

Not on my watch.  Nuh-uh.

Warning: I might go long, but I’ll throw cute pictures in.  Fair?

Here’s the quote from OW that I’ll be slashing into little, bitty pieces – um, discussing:

“The Church’s Proclamation on the Family declares that men preside over their wives and families, thus preserving an antiquated and unequal model in both the domestic and ecclesiastical realms.”

Ugh.  I hate when people quote things out of context, especially when the context sheds important light on the subject.

Forgive me for mincing words here, but it doesn’t even say “men preside over their wives.”

It says 

“By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness…”

Minor details, right?

The feminist in ME absolutely recoils at the OW phrasing.  Mr. Smith doesn’t get to “preside” over me because he’s a “man.”  There’s no “man and wife” business here.  (Talk about antiquated phrasing, sheesh!)  He was just a man before I married him, but now he’s my husband. He presides over our family because he’s the father...

AND

If he fails to do so in love and righteousness, THEN HE DOESN’T PRESIDE.

At least, that’s how we interpret it.  The Proclamation holds up an ideal, but there’s a qualifier for what to do in other circumstances. I’ll get to that in a minute. It does seem pretty clear to me that in the absence of a father in the home, it is not the closest “male” who presides, provides, or protects – it is the mother. 

It’s not about gender.  It’s about taking care of your family.

“…antiquated and unequal model…” 

I felt like shouting into the computer screen,

“Equal partners, people!  Equal partners!  Just read two sentences later.  Come on!“

It took me a minute to calm down.

Okay, okay, you caught me.  I still haven’t calmed down.  

Funny story.  Remember that part in yesterday’s post where I wrote “… does the searching for more light on the subject divide us?”

Heh.  Heh. Right…  I wrote that about 3 minutes before I wanted to spank the person who wrote OW’s FAQ page. Sometimes timing is almost comical.

My apologies.  Sorry.  Hang on.  Allow me to yank this beam out of my eye here, just one second…

Breath in, breath out.

Okay.

Now let me -calmly, quietly- show you the eternal and very much equal model I believe wholeheartedly in.

After briefly stating their different responsibilities, that profound documents teaches:

“In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” 

Then the very next sentence states:

“Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.”

 That tells me I get to help him preside, provide, and protect our family; he is duty-bound to help me nurture.  What that looks like in our family may be – no, will be! – different than yours or anyone else’s.  In fact, what it looks like one year may not be exactly what it looks like the next year.

And that’s okay.

If, for whatever reason, it makes more sense for the mother to be “the provider” –
that’s okay.

My grandma (top left) worked for United for 40 years to provide for their family because of my grandpa’s bad eyesight. That was absolutely ideal for their family, even if it wasn’t what either of them planned on at the start.
They look pretty happy to me.  My uncle and my mommy turned out pretty well, all things considered.
<wink>

If, for whatever reason, the father needs to take over the “nurturing” duties –
that’s okay, too!

<artistic, if outdated, representation of Mr. Smith adapting>

We’ve sent our under-Kindergarten-aged kids in preschool and brought in a nanny to help take care of the baby for much of the day while I heal & recover from a health crisis in December. Daddy provides for much most of the nurturing these days.  We’re adapting, too!

Daddy says it’s okay for me to eat my rice crispies on the floor.

 Daddy says it’s okay for me to wear my jammies all day and play in the mud!

 Daddy says it’s okay for us to pick… 

… out our own clothes!

 Daddy rocked it then (2011) and he rocks it still.

There are endless ways every family will need to adapt…. And that’s okay.

In my mind and heart, The Family document teaches simply

Where The Buck Stops.

It’s God’s divine design.

In the end, Mr. Smith will be accountable to Him for how well our family has been presided over, protected, and provided for (physically and spiritually.)

I’ll be accountable for how well we’ve been nurtured.

We’ll be accountable together for how well we did (or didn’t) work as equal partners to make sure our family stayed close to God.

He’s not “better” than me, nor am I “better” than him.  It’s not a competition; it’s a companionship.

He’s not more “important” than me, nor I more than him.  Our family needs us both.

I don’t see this model as antiquated or unequal.  I see it as being central to the health of families, communities and societies.  I see a huge need to support and promote this model for its eternally significant and socially vital role.

There is no need to slam it as “antiquated.”

In the words of the wise Sherry Dew, from this amazing talk,

“Satan understands the power of men and women united in righteousness. He is still stinging from his banishment into eternal exile after Michael led the hosts of heaven, comprised of valiant men and women united in the cause of Christ, against him. In the chilling words of Peter, “The devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” ⁴ Lucifer is determined to devour marriages and families, because their demise threatens the salvation of all involved and the vitality of the Lord’s kingdom itself. Thus, Satan seeks to confuse us about our stewardships and distinctive natures as men and women. He bombards us with bizarre messages about gender, marriage, family, and all male-female relationships. He would have us believe men and women are so alike that our unique gifts are not necessary, or so different we can never hope to understand each other. Neither is true.”
(emphasis added)

Searching for more light, I can handle.

Asking questions, I can handle.

Desiring priesthood ordination for women, I can even understand.  Yes, actually, I can!  I may not necessarily agree or see the necessity for it, but I can understand why someone would want that.  

Bucking divinely designed, eternally established patterns in the home, I cannot.
I saw an obvious thread of resistance to that pattern in the Ordain Women organization, and I do not like or approve of it.

There are enough forces attacking marriages and families.  As Sister Dew noted, the demise of marriages and families threatens the kingdom of God. We do not need this confusion or resentment about who is responsible for presiding or what that should look like.  

Fathers are responsible for presiding over their families in love and righteousness, the end.  What that looks like is up to each family to decide.

That proclamation on The Family is very dear to my heart and I wouldn’t change a word of it.

PS:

I have a confession to make.

I have just one more cent to throw in.

Tomorrow.

Tagged as: daddy, family, feminisn, Smithlings