Liberty does not come free, nor does it come easily.

One of the price-tags on liberty reads:

Compromise

It was that way right from the very birth of our nation.  Without compromise -serious, gut-wrenching, difficult-for-both-sides compromise – the US Constitution and the form of government we have been blessed with for 200 years — It would NOT be here.

And so, Hawaii, the arguments over the bill must stop.

Why?

BECAUSE WE HAVE ALREADY COMPROMISE THAT WORKS FOR OUR STATE.

I am ecstatic, thrilled, joyful, h.a.p.p.y. – Because I feel like the problem is solved and it has been solved already.

What works for us -and it works really well!- may not work for California, or Utah, or ANY of the other 49 states.  They aren’t Hawaii.  We are unique.  As are they.  What works for them probably wouldn’t work for us.  God bless America.

THIS {s.b.1} IS A MOOT ISSUE.

And we need to stop fighting.  It is time to lay down your arms and change the war-cry to a cry for peace.

Why?

The people of Hawaii decided by a vast majority (70%) that the word “marriage” means one man + one woman.
Rightly so – I mean, rightly so that the people voted on this – not the legislatures.  Words mean what a majority of people think they mean.

The minority cried “Foul play!  There are state-given benefits to “married” couples that same-sex-couples are not granted!”
RIGHTLY SO.

Yes, you heard me.  Right here.  On my “Mormon-Mommy — NOT APOSTATE” blog.

They, in a court of law, are claiming that two people committed to each other for life, are denied important benefits granted by the government to two committed people.
True!
You can’t argue that away.

So the legislature in Hawaii, in a long, lengthy process that took years, crafted legislation that balanced the scale.

In Hawaii now, any combination of genders can obtain a “Civil Union” license and be granted all the rights, benefits, and responsibilities that a married couple receives from the state.

DONE.

Mission accomplished.

Both sides had to compromise at great cost personally.  There are those who strongly believe this behavior is sinful in the sight of God.  [There are others who say, “Not my God!  Keep your religion out of the government governing ME.”]  There are some who demand the word – they want “marriage” for people living this lifestyle and they feel like second-class citizens by “segregating” this way.

I deeply understand both sides now in a way I simply did not a week ago.

People on the far extremes of the issue will never give up and will never see eye to eye— and they don’t want to!  They will never be happy with compromise, they will always be mistrusting of their opponents, so the battle will NEVER be over for them…. And by extension, a great many of us who will be forever trying to sweep up the pieces and keep the two extremes from tearing the country apart.

I have always felt love and compassion for people living lifestyles I don’t agree with.  They are my brothers.  My sisters.  We can still rock out to music we both like, we can still enjoy a great restaurant together, laugh at a funny movie, tell “knock-knock” jokes and enjoy the wondrous creation we are living and the beautiful experience that is LIFE.  When step away from our picket-signs and come together saying, “We can overcome these differences” — then we are ALL blessed.  We are ALL strengthened.  We can all share aloha and MEAN IT.

I have seen it happen.

Since the “civil unions” legislation was passed here, people have largely lived peaceably about it.  There has been a random, crazy lawsuit here or there -and there is certainly a lot of misunderstanding still!- but I haven’t heard people testify about the new system we’re trying out here failing.  Hawaiians are making it work.

But it’s not quite good enough yet.

The minority can still cry “Foul play!” because there are Federal benefits they are still denied.  Some 1000+ benefits, reserved for “married” couples.

So why, dear reader, is the HAWAII state legislature obligated to fix a FEDERAL problem????

Why do they even think they can – to the satisfaction of so many highly-motivated, highly-charged, highly opinionated people who already reached a compromise???

The people pushing this bill through are picking a fight where there isn’t one and they’re missing the fight that SHOULD be happening.  It’s in DC.  An “executive order” could be pushed through demanding all Federal benefits granted to married couples also be given to those in state-recognized same-gender unions,

THE END.

For now.

Yes I know I know I know.  You’re still not happy.

Well guess what?

That’s COMPROMISE.

And it’s a radical change for American society to even be talking about things that 50 years ago were totally taboo in respectable company.  Hello.  Have a little compassion here.  We can do this intelligently.  We CAN say, “Yes, it’s not “marriage” — bring it up again in x years when we see what Civil Unions do to children and society.”  Furthermore, I think that is a WISE decision.

But I digress (again).

The distinction needs to be made.  I am vehemently and passionately against this bill now BECAUSE we are trying to get our STATE to fix a FEDERAL problem.  I believe this is something that people can unite on and that Hawaii is in an amazing position to make a powerful statement to the rest of the country.

“Hey, all you bickering 49 states!  Check it out!”

“We have ALOHA here and it is being messed with by an unjust Federal law.  There is something unbalanced and it is out of our jurisdiction.  FIX IT.”

And do it such a way that we aren’t demanding/forcing the other 49 to do it our way.  Let them do it in their way.  Let us do it our way.  Quit allowing a handful of judges to overrule and create problems… because that’s what it creates.  More problems.

Hm.  Wicked judges creating problems.  Sound familiar anyone?

Now, according to me in my perfect world,

— And allow me to digress AGAIN because it’s my blog and this is my fantasy —

the Federal Government shouldn’t have their nose in this kind of stuff to begin with.  They should offer nothing to individuals and they should take nothing from individuals.  They exist only to keep the states united as a country and to keep us safe — not to cater to the needs of each individual constituent.  That is the way it was designed to function and the more we try to make it function differently, the less efficiently it works.

Duh.

It’s like trying to make a car float.  It was designed to be a CAR not a boat, k?  Leave it alone!  We wanted a car!  It moves much better on land, and on land is where we want it.  We are converting a CAR into a BOAT and expecting it to still get us somewhere on land.

It’s a mockery and ridiculous and it’s clearly not working well and the democrat vs. republican mindset seems to me to be trying to decide what color to paint the boat — not how best to get this weird boat-car back on the fast track.  We built a car in 1785 and after it proved itself, the rest of the world, still using horses, said “OH MY WORD!  I WANT THAT!”  and we outpaced them until we let our officials start trying to dismantle and change it… which, funny enough, happens in almost direct proportion to the righteous/wicked state we’re in.  Go figure.

Sigh.

But anyway,

Seems unlikely that everyone in DC is going to read my blog, jump up and shout
“Eureka!  She’s got it!  And -wow- check it out, dude, we just went from deficit to surplus.  (Or at least we will in about 1,000 years when we pay off all this debt.)  Dang, she’s good.  Problems solved.”

Because -yes- if there were no Federal benefits granted married couples, there would be no “inequality” in Hawaii right now and no legal leg to stand on, no logical reason for the bill facing our congress.

Equal?

Because “equal” does NOT need to mean “the same” in Hawaii. The combination of people + representatives decided that.

Any pure-blooded Hawaiian will tell you that “equal” doesn’t have to mean “the same exact thing.”  I can live here.  I can be every bit as much a person deserving of respect- but if I claim to be Hawaiian — or if I call my children Hawaiian — they are either offended.  Clearly I am not Hawaiian.  And the longer I live here the more I understand WHY -in their opinion and by their definition- I never will be — and the more I understand them, the more I am totally okay with it.  I get it.  And I still love it because if you love them, they love you right back.  You just have to respect them and this beautiful culture, and truly, they reflect it right back.

Aloha.

At least, that’s my perspective right now after a whopping 2 years here.

We also have different words, people, to describe these different kinds of sexual… um… what word should I use here?  I don’t even know.  Orientations?  Encounters?  Sexual sex?  Geeze, can I even BE a Mormon and use that word so many times in one blog post?  Eek.

There are heterosexual relationships and homosexual relationships and I don’t hear ANYONE crying that there’s a semantics problem.  Nope.  Not one of them is crying out they be called heterosexual when they, um, aren’t, nor are their friends pushing for that in their behalf.

They are crying for equality.

They want to stop the hatred they feel — and feel most strongly coming from religious people, actually.

They feel they are being misjudged, and many perhaps most of them are.

-STORY-

I talked with a gentleman Thursday.  He lived in Germany growing up.  He’s been in an exclusive homosexual relationship for 10, maybe 20 (forgive me, I forgot) years.  I asked him point-blank if “Civil Unions” were afforded all the Federal benefits of marriage, if he’d be happy with that.

He emphatically said, “YES.  I don’t care about what other people think about marriage.  I just want my rights.” —- And I know he meant it.

And to someone like that, I say, You should have them.  You are right.

Incidentally, his sign talked about supporting our Constitution and in him not believing in mob rule.

He was right again.

They ARE being treated differently, legally and socially.

I have talked with them, literally cried with them in what was the most beautiful outpouring of the Spirit I have felt all week, heard their testimonies and tried to really HEAR them.  I disagree with what they are doing but I LOVE l.o.v.e. love them and I go out of my way in every possible way I know how to show it.

-STORY-

I was homeschooled a bit, you know. Social graces never did come easily to me (even before the homeschooling part!), so I know it’s awkward.  

Like the 9 months pregnant woman tonight wearing the rainbow lei.  I asked when she was due, if she knew the baby’s gender, congratulated her, laughed heartily with them when one of her friends said, “It’s a democrat…. No, really, we had him tested and he’s a democrat,”  and I even threw out totally unsolicited childbirth advice (because I’ve done it 6 times and I have great advice to give!  I say so myself!) — all as if I had bumped into her in an OB’s office, not a political situation like this.  She probably thought I was nuts.  Or at the very least, annoying.  But she was kind and gracious and I love her and hope -as I always do for women who are pregnant!- that everything goes well.  Me and my big mouth.

Again, homeschooled.  Awkward but awesome.

But

As much as the other side here “has a point,”
Deeply religious people are up in arms now, waving picket signs, yelling into bullhorns, cheering each other on and rallying in every sense of the word and in every way possible because now THEY are going to be the ones being targeted.  We have a freaking philibuster going on downtown right now!  2 minute testimonies all day long — all day! — and it’s still going on.  The representatives are being absolutely AMAZING at letting this go on.  And on.  And still asking questions and fielding discussions of their constituents there at the podium.  There are many people of many faiths putting tremendous amounts of money, time, and other resources into fighting this tooth and nail.

And rightly so!

People are very rightly scared (nope, not scared, really) concerned (more than concerned!) — alarmed by the ramifications of this bill and the fact that there are so many representatives in favor of it.  There are even people I’ve heard testify who have been Civilly-United (how do you say that anyway?  They need more words and/or I need to write not at 2am. Okay, try again) — People obviously very accepting of same-sex relationship who say, “NO.  This is bad legislation.  I believe in same-sex marriage and I don’t believe in persecution.”

In an equal gesture, I am saying, “I don’t believe in same-sex marriage and I don’t want to “let the people vote.””

Shocking.  This blog post is just blowing you all out of the water, isn’t it?  THE war-cry of my people and I won’t chant it!

Boy, she’s really gone off the deep end.

By I don’t want that!  I don’t want, every 5 years, for the next wave of voters to say it’s their turn to decide this.  Again.  That’s purely democratic and a REPUBLIC works better.  It makes better government.  It does.

This issue is only complicated further by the fact that there are deeply religious people who feel differently about “what the Bible says.”  I’ve talked with them.  I can feel their faith.  It is real.  They are Christians, they try to live by the Bible, and they have come to a different conclusion about their brothers and sisters who are attracted to people of the same gender.  Misguided from my perspective and in my opinion, but HELLO.  I’m fighting for freedom for them to do exactly that!

I tried to address those subjects already in Smithtopia and there is dang good reason for every person of deeply religious beliefs to be waking up now.  Getting informed.

And you know what?

I am SO grateful that our church doesn’t tell us what to think politically.

I would never have been able to see this olive leaf, to grab the white flag of peace and actually FEEL the Savior on my side if they had come out and told me why I should be concerned.

I figured it out myself and the answer is different today than it was even just yesterday.

And I feel AMAZING about it.

I am not suggesting I am comfortable with, condoning, or endorsing homosexual behaviors.

(I even made that last sentence super big and bold and highlighted, that’s how strongly I feel about it — but then I thought, no.  You know what?  I am not going to be one of those people with the bullhorns shouting at them.)

I will also confess that sometimes being around people smoking or drinking also makes me uncomfortable.  It’s against my religion and I’m blessed to be in a country where I am free to act according to the dictates of my own conscience.  I prefer not being around behaviors contrary to my code of ethics and I greatly appreciate people accommodating me.

But in allowing ALL men and women the same privilege (which is also a fundamental tenant of my personal belief — and, I believe, common sense, too)
I cannot in good conscience say that our state should kick someone’s partner out of an emergency room because they aren’t family, or take hold of their estate after one of them dies.

I agree with those “equality” picket holders!  That would NOT be fair or right and I am compelled to concede though I may still be uncomfortable.

Compromise is not compromise if both parties don’t give a little.

I also understand there are those whose religious beliefs differ from mine —- EVEN from those within my church.  I’m preaching tolerance and understanding where they may say it’s unforgivable to do so.

I get it.

I almost sound like a democrat.  What’s the world coming to?

(And won’t my democratic-Mormon friends be surprised.  Organic-loving, tree-hugging, foot-zoning, large-family-raising, essential oil -using, Eastern/natural medicine accepting… politically conservative?… Civil Union Rights promoter?  What the…)

And I understand (or at least am very aware of) the big, scary, WHAT IS NEXT… question.

Because this isn’t over.

I know that.

But in this instance, at this moment, we can shove this legislation back in the politicians faces and say, “No!  Not your problem to fix.  Don’t even try it.”   It’s very CONTENT is the best evidence of why it should not exist in the first place.

As noted, there is an extreme minority that is blatantly, openly, never going to rest until they have changed the definition of marriage and taught the next generation to not just tolerate or accept that it exists — but to completely embrace it and celebrate it.

THAT is wrong and I will fight it and on THAT issue I will not back down.

THAT is not fair or respectful of religions — many different religions! — and diverse cultures and backgrounds that believe embracing and celebrating this behavior is unhealthy and a bad idea.  Furthermore, I strongly strongly strongly support preserving the traditional definition of marriage IN LAW.  Other countries bypass it.  They don’t deal with it.  They don’t compromise and they make “marriage” purely a religious thing.  Go to a church to get “married.”  Go to a judge to get legal benefits tied to your union.

I believe strongly that it is *in the best interest of children, families, and societies* to preserve the distinction.  Heterosexual and Homosexual ARE DIFFERENT.  You simply can not make them “the same” even if you can treat them respectfully.

But enough talk from me!

Let’s go celebrate our ability to exercise freedom of speech, Hawaii.  Let’s throw a PAAAAAAAAAAAARTAAAAAAAAAAY downtown tomorrow and relish in all the freedom we still have.  Love it.  Embrace it.  Let your voice be heard and thank God for the opportunity to hear from people whose paths would otherwise never cross yours.

I’m wearing tie-dye again.
I play nice on both sides.
I love EVERYONE.

Peace out.

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